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  • Katie Allen

Three Steps to Self Love through Tough Times


Life happens... Things are moving along so smoothly until *WHAM* you get hit with something big.

Whether it be a relationship breakdown, financial crisis, career change, or something else, the fact is that we all go through tough times and challenges.

It's a normal part of life (whether we like it or not)!

I hear all the time from women that they'll prioritize self love when...

- They get the perfect job

- They lose those last 10 pounds

- They find their soul mate

- They have the perfect life

Here's the thing...

Self love should NOT take a backseat to life! Contrary to popular belief, the fact is that loving yourself can actually be the thing that gets you through tough times!

Self Love is not a "nice to have". It is in fact the fuel in the tank that will get you where you want to be.

Prioritizing self love through tough times plays a huge part in propelling you towards your dreams.

So how do we do this?

Here are my top three steps you can take to love yourself through all of life's ups and downs.

Choose Yourself Everyday

Yes, this IS a choice. Similar to all other relationships in life (marriage, friendships, etc), your relationship with yourself takes work. It deserves your energy. And you have the ability to make a conscious choice each and everyday. You get to choose to prioritize your emotional wellbeing, your happiness, and your self care.

When going through tough times it can feel like you're being pulled in a million different directions, yet this choice stays with you. You have the ability to decide that you matter. That you deserve care, love, and attention. That your needs and wants deserve to be met.

A wonderfully simple exercise to practice when going through a tough spot (or really any time to be honest), is to ask yourself each day what you need. Close your eyes, take a deep breath, and just ask "what do I need today?". Though it's not always practical to go off on a month long holiday somewhere (even though that's what you might be craving...), the answer may be very simple Perhaps spending 5 minutes alone. A walk in nature. A nap or a rest. To read a book. To allow yourself to cry. To laugh with a good friend. To make your favourite cup of tea and savour it. Your answer will be unique, but the important thing is to ask daily and honour the answer you receive.

By choosing yourself daily, you're saying that you matter. That your feelings, needs, and wants count. That even though life may feel super challenging or even impossible, know that you have some control.

You have the power to choose yourself.

Embrace Curiosity

Hard times tend to bring a LOT of judgement. The inner critic can get loud and it can so easily cross the line into bullying and name calling.

Does this sound familiar?

"You deserve to be going through this shit. You brought this on yourself."

"You're not worthy of happiness."

"If you were smarter/thinner/quieter/prettier you wouldn't be in this place."

"You're a failure."

Now ladies, we KNOW that this isn't true at a logical level, but when our minds are repeating these beliefs time and time again it becomes difficult to not listen to them...

This is where curiosity comes in.

The fact is you CAN'T be curious and judgmental at the same time. They cannot coexist! So by embracing curiosity through the hard times, the judgment will naturally begin slipping away.

A beautiful practice that is so helpful in welcoming in curiosity is using this one simple sentence: "Isn't that interesting!". When you find yourself in a place of criticism, judgment, inner-bullying, or making an assumption, simply pause and notice it with curiosity. This simple re-frame can open you up to more love, less judgment, and a whole world of acceptance and a child-like lightness can appear even in the darkest places.

It seems almost too simple, but why not give it a try? And if you find yourself judging this right now, why not simply pause and notice "isn't that interesting".

Practice Compassion, Kindness & Patience

Now before you start saying "I don't know how to do this for myself", I'm calling bullshit...

The act of practicing compassion, kindness, and patience is like a muscle. The more you use it, the stronger it gets.

The first two steps play into this of course. You've got to choose compassion, kindness and patience for yourself. It is a choice. Plus you can get curious about why you feel this is so hard. Why it feels impossible.

Perhaps the biggest thing is noticing that in fact you DO know how to step into this way of being. You can be endlessly patient with a young child, you have compassion for someone who'e just lost a loved one, and you can be kind to your neighbour, spouse, or co-worker every single day. You know how to practice these things.

The hard part is believing you can give them to yourself. The good news is this muscle can be worked!

A great simple exercise to welcome more compassion, kindness & patience in is so practice gratitude. When you focus on the things you're grateful for, the things you want to cultivate more of, you automatically begin to release what no longer serves you. You start to let it go.

To help create more self love through challenging times, create a daily gratitude practice in your life.

This can look like a journal, a social media post, a dinner conversation, a gratitude meditation, almost anything really. As long as you're consciously focusing on the good things, the positivity, and growing that. This opens you to compassion, kindness, and patience. And in turn these cultivate more self acceptance and inner peace.

Accessing self love through life's challenging times can feel impossible, but it just isn't so!

The good news is that through simple daily practices, you can build resilience and make sure that your relationship with yourself doesn't need to suffer regardless of what life's throwing at you.

To learn how self love will transform your life, book a free clarity call!

This is your Self Love SOS where we can begin to see what challenges you're facing, what type of relationship you'd like to create with yourself, and together we'll formulate a plan to get you there! Click through to secure your spot now. Spaces limited.

Talk soon,

Katie x

#SelfLove #selfcare #selfacceptance #Overwhelm #StressManagement #Gratitude

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