Three Simple Words that You Need to be Using Now
There are words that help and words that hurt.
I'll bet that you have experienced and said those on both sides of the coin...
Those that are critical and judgmental and those that are kind, gentle and compassionate.
One vital thing that you NEED to be using when it comes to your relationship with yourself (and to be honest, every relationship you have...) is tapping into an attitude curiosity and using the words that come with it.
Now you may think, "what the heck does curiosity have to do with self love? I don't see the connection."
Here's the thing, it has a LOT to do with it.
One of my mentors in my very first coaching training a few years back, she used to say you can't be curious and judgmental at the same time. It doesn't even make sense. That's not how our brains work! And she was 100% right.
Being curious means being open minded and receptive to new ideas and new ways of doing things or approaching situations.
And the three words you need to be using to make that a reality...
Isn't that interesting!
"I'm choosing to lie on the couch and binge watch another tv series while eating a whole bag of chips. Isn't that interesting! I wonder what I'm hoping to feel by making this decision."
"I'm choosing to associate with people who are constantly putting me down. Isn't that interesting! I wonder why I keep making this same choice."
"I'm choosing to constantly criticize myself. Isn't that interesting! I wonder where this habitual behaviour comes from and what it gives me."
Can you see how adding in these three words creates a sense of curiosity, of openness, and of being willing to look at the situation or behaviour from a different angle?
On the other hand, being judgmental means you've already made a decision or a ruling. You have already decided that something is some way and you are closed off to learning about any other possibility.
"I'm choosing to lie on the couch and binge watch another tv series while eating a whole bag of chips. I'm a lazy slob."
"I'm choosing to associate with people who are constantly putting me down. I guess I don't deserve any better."
"I'm choosing to constantly criticize myself. I'm such a crap person."
You have to choose. Either you're curious, or you're judgmental. You can't be both.
When that inner critic is really winning and it's really really loud, you are closed.
Simply welcoming in curiosity can do so much, because what you are really doing is stepping into the energy of openness. Showing yourself that you have not actually decided that this is how it must be.
And even though this might seem like sort of a basic thing to do, let me tell you, it is really very impactful!
This basic yet profound principal is something that I encourage every one of my clients to embody as we work together. It seems so simple, yet is an integral part of learning to be kind and loving toward yourself and can be implemented immediately!
This piece of curiosity will come up again and again and again.
"ah, look at that. I'm reacting in this habitual way that might not feel so great. Isn't that interesting."
"I've made this assumption about myself. Isn't that interesting."
"I have labeled myself as wrong. I have labeled myself as too much or too loud. I have decided that this is bad. Isn't that interesting."
"I don't deserve happiness or success. Huh, I wonder where that came from. I wonder whose voice it is in my head being critical."
It's interesting to note that sometimes the voice in our head really is our own voice and sometimes it's not. It might even be the voice of your mother, grandmother, partner, friend, sibling, or a total stranger.
But giving yourself space to get curious and observe whose voice is in your head, who is really being critical here, is a big deal. It gives you the ability to actually ask yourself if this is something you still want to consciously choose going forward instead of just letting the old narrative play on repeat.
Isn't that interesting.
When we come at our challenges along the self love journey with this curiosity and openness, it is just such a game changer.
In essence, it's being willing to step into a childlike mindset. Kids are SO curious and tend to ask a million questions! Have you ever had "but why??" repeated at you a thousand times because they're just not convinced that they've gotten the real answer yet??
I would really encourage you, wherever you happen to be on this journey, to start using "isn't that interesting."
Maybe you are at the very beginning of this process and you are not quite sure how to start.
Maybe you are right in the middle and you're actively doing the work.
Maybe you actually feel like you have a pretty solid relationship with yourself but you still get these sort of nagging thoughts these demons that come up every once in a while (ya know, cause you're human and all...)
Wherever you are, I would really encourage you to consciously welcome in curiosity.
"Isn't it interesting that I'm making this choice for myself."
"Isn't it interesting that I'm making this assumption for myself."
"Isn't it interesting that I've decided that I am bad for doing this thing."
If there's one thing that you can try that takes not that much effort, no money, and really just some mindfulness and some presence and some consciousness, it's curiosity.
So use that sentence, "isn't that interesting", and jump on in.
Here's to loving yourself.